idiotas veritas mal espiritu
To God-fearing President Bush and dear Laura, I bequeath my Rosary, that they, too, might rule the world in her name and to her everlasting glory…….
To his faithful father, George, and faithless President Clinton, I bequeath my scarlet robes and ruby slippers……….
To Condoleezza Rice, my African sister of color, I bequeath my Playmobile Nun. May it give her the innumerable hours of pleasure it gave me…….
To Rev. Billy Graham, my good friend and ecumenical spiritual ally, I bequeath my beloved pet vipers and personal viper handler, Brother Boris Sapien, O. S. B………….
To my Pentecostal tongue-wagging brother, the multi-millionaire television mogul, Paul Crouch,
I bequeath a priceless papal tiara from my extensive collection of royal headdresses. May it bless him in both good health and bad, in times of celibacy and adultery……….
To precious Jan Crouch, my wig-wearing, ever-weeping sister in Christ, whose plastic surgeries rival only that of brother Michael Jackson, I bequeath my gaudiest gold papal ring. May it always glitter like her contact lenses and shine like her dentures………
To brother Hinn,
And last, but not least, to my separated brethren at iconbusters and other like-minded heretical ministries, I bequeath my favorite Greco painting, one which graced the wall of my bedchamber for decades………the burning of a Protestant heretic who refused to recant!